Rapha Karma?

Yes, I made fun of Rapha's Festive 500 by introducing the Half-Assed 250. My idea was kind of serious though, I was gonna do it, I started off good, I did 20 miles on Christmas Eve/day. I was doing good until I started getting sick on Sunday. I made the English God's of fine craftsmanship angry and for that I paid. Although, it was probably the toddler/ petri dishes at my Aunts house on Xmas Eve who were "just starting to catch colds" that did it to me. 'Just starting' usually means contagious and that's why I didn't come within 3 feet of them the whole night. Little buggers must of busted through my force fields when I wasn't paying attention. Right now I may sound like a raving hypochondriac wombat but this is nothing if my cold gets any worse. I also ate too much candy on Christmas day so I felt like poop on the 26th. The candy also probably led to a weakened immunity system. Sadly my planned EPIC Sunday ride did not occur. But it was raining so I kind of felt a little less guilty. So in conclusion, love everyone, don't make fun of them, and ride your frick'n bike. And wash your hands.

On a lighter and more happier note, my dreams have come true. The one after finding Prince Charming. Yes folks I got real wheels. Ones that actually come in a carrying case. Campy Shamals. When I unwrapped the box it looked like a Jared comercial, or whoever does those lame engagement commercials. I felt like a little kid again, my pulse quickened, I stammered, I hugged. Visions flashed in front of me, like blurred too fast to see visions. Maybe I can beat my husband downhill, maybe I can beat him up a hill? Yep, the world is my little oyster on these babies. Unfortunately I have to wait for a new cassette before I put them on. I also got the saddle I've been lusting at for over a year, the Fizik Vesta. So yea, I had a very good Christmas. I'm off to drink my FRS. Best thing to drink when you're sick, swear to Buddha.

I added some of my favorite cyclocross videos cause they make me happy when I'm sick. Kind of like watching Golden Girls.

Cross Crusade #6 Astoria - Chapter 2 from Burk Webb on Vimeo.

HALF-ASSED HOLIDAY 250

HALF-ASSED HOLIDAY 250

ARE YOU TOO BUSY TO RIDE 500 KM, IS IT COLD, WET, SNOWY?

ARE YOU FULL FROM EATING TOO MANY TRADER JOE'S, JOE-JOE'S?

WELL JOIN THE HALF-ASSED HOLIDAY 250 KM RIDE. FROM

DECEMBER 24-31 RIDE 250 KILOMETERS AND NOT ONLY FEEL OKAY WITH YOURSELF BUT GET A T-SHIRT. FIRST 5 TO SHOW ME. (MAYBE MORE?)

I was at Target this morning doing last minute shopping wondering to myself if I could do the Rapha Festive 500. I know for sure I was the only person in that store thinking that. Which made me feel kinda special in a tingly way. I came to the conclusion after the feeling passed that no, I couldn't do it. Not cause I didn't have the cajones, I got obligations and a marriage to consider. So, while looking at John Frieda hair calming creme I came up with the Half-assed Holiday 250. 250 km in a week. That's do-able, huh? I'm not stealing any thunder away from Rapha, I love 'em with all my hard earn cash, um heart. If you want to join and get a chance to win a t-shirt leave your blog addresses in my comment box or vimeo/flikr. I will be very fair, and quite possibly allow more than 5 winners. T-shirt design is still in infancy stage, should be ready by New Years. Check out my shop at http://www.etsy.com/shop/freebirdvelo to see my previous t-shirt art work.

Rain Can Suck It

I live in Southern California for a reason, it doesn't snow, it doesn't rain for more than 2 days in a row, and it has the best Mexican food this side of the border. So when I see a the 7 day weather forecast show dark little storm clouds across the week I start to fidget. I immediately start ringing my hands, and stare out into space revising training plans in my head.

I woke up happy as a little clam this morning, excited for my 1 hour training session. 7 AM, I was ready. I made it to the gym bright and early, I picked a random stationary bike, adjusted it as best as I could, and pulled it into a corner, out of the way. I thought I was going to be able to handle riding in-doors for a week. What's the big deal, half the country has to do this, quit whining ya puusaay. That's how I talk to myself in case your wondering.

I Hopped on and immediately felt like I was being punished. My bike fit was fine, nothing was being pinched or prodded. It was the psychological aspect of it. Where the Hell was I going on this hobbled steed of mine? Why is there no wind blowing the sweat off my brow? Where are the drops on this thing? Now I've ridden these things before but only for warm-ups before weight training, I think 5 minutes is my limit. After that it becomes a mental irritant, (like cheap embrocation for the brain) and all Hell breaks loose. And don't let me forget to tell you my ipod Shuffle crapped out 10 minutes into my ride. I was thinking to myself how could I make this better? A big ass fan would be the first step. My own bike and some rollers, or at least a trainer (I'm too cheap to buy one, and I wasted my Christmas wishes on Rapha garb). Last thing would be a television showing any type of cycling event, documentary, or movie, I'd even watch Quiksilver.

Now, I'm writing today's blog not only to comment on the miserable weather but I also wanted to talk about my observation while in the cardio room. You see for 50 minutes I observed a type of human that just blows my mind. I couldn't figure them out. I'm talking about the spin class people, we'll call them SCP for short. It was like they were some bass-akwards gym clique that like to punish themselves by sweating profusely and wearing non-padded shorts while riding a bike they didn't care to adjust properly. Time to break out the Vagisil ladies!

I was there at 7AM, their class doesn't start until 8:30. They were already coming in looking for their specially numbered pseudo bikes, complaining when someone already took theirs. One lady swore she was going to come in the night before and get her bike and area set up. I also overheard a group of chickens, oh sorry, ladies, complaining that the reason it was so crowded was because the real cyclists were coming to class due to the rain and taking up the good bikes. Trust me ladies, real cyclist aren't going to go to the gym an hour before a spin class just to pick out your special bike. I came to the conclusion that they are there for a variety of reasons:

1. they are masochists

2. they never learned to ride a bike

3. this is the only social group that would except them

4. they really enjoy listening to crappy 90's music while some little bitch yells

at them

5. their neon yellow wind jacket is at the cleaners

6. they got 70% off spinning shoes at Nashbar

7. real bikes are the Devil

Needless to say I managed to stay upright and awake for 50 minutes, and also not drown in my own sweat, Yea me! Now, I hate to classify or judge people (my husband is still laughing at that one), but all I can really say about them is best left to Ogre.

Mondays Bite

This is the second time I've written this blog because it didn't save the first time. So now its going to be a bit shorter and more to the point because I can't remember what I wrote. I did go to Vegas for Thanksgiving, first time not having a traditional dinner, probably last time. Wish Interbike was still there. We stayed at the Wynn and lo and behold I found a Wynn cycling kit. I wondered to myself who would wear it. I picture chubby pro poker players riding around on their $10,000 custom rigs around the urban desert sprawl.

Got some good stuff to pass on to anyone who happens upon this blog. First one up is Bahlsen German cookies (or biscuits if you choose) with chocolate cream in the middle. I think they would be good on a long ride, right along the 40 mile mark. Delicious treats that remind me of the goodies my German aunt would give me for Christmas. She introduced me to Haribo gummy bears when I was a wee little chubby girl. These cookies have caused me grief the past few days along with Trader Joe's almond and toffee bits covered with dark chocolate. I thought it would be good for me, almonds and dark chocolate and all. Well I overdid it on the sugar front once again so I'm cleaning my temple starting tomorrow. That's why I didn't ride this morning, I felt like poo. My sugar binge looked like a scene out of Fantastic Mr. Fox when they're eating the squabs or the cookies in the kitchen. Best movie, check it out if you haven't yet. Check out the 20 second mark.

I decided to order the free FRS sample pack, all I had to do was pay $3.95 in shipping. So I got free powder for a week and a free pack of chews. Good deal. I love their stuff in the first place, I believe it helps keep colds at bay, it boosts your immunity system. At least that's what they tell me.

A thought to ponder. I was running errands today and I got pissed at all the riders out there today, so many of them. Where were they last week when it was overcast and freezing and misting? Fair-weather douche-bags I reckon. That's kind of harsh, I shouldn't get angry over other riders enjoying themselves. It's like being in elementary school and everybody gets to go to recess and you have to stay in and take a quiz. All I can do is think 'they will never know the joy of riding in crap.' And I kind of feel a bit better.

Good Day

I had a good day riding yesterday. I've been riding consistently lately and it feels pretty damn great. Maybe it's the fact that I know I have a full Rapha kit waiting to be opened on Christmas morning. Or maybe it's the fact that I got to wear my new Rapha full gloves and winter socks. Both fit so perfect and felt so luxurious that I wanted to wear them all day. Well I wore the socks all day, don't judge me, you don't know. The bottoms have extra padding on them and they're super soft. Never again will I wear a synthetic socks, it's merino for me from now on. Like I said earlier I had a good day riding and who wouldn't, I got to climb Sunset loop in cold weather (which makes a difference), and I got to enjoy the view that comes after a winter storm. And so, now I have to go pack, I'm off to Vegas for Thanksgiving. What have I become. All I can say is Esspresemente. My one saving grace in Vegas. Best coffee and gelato in town.

I'm Somebody!

I'm somebody! Yes I am and things are gonna start happening for me now, no snipers please. I want to send a ginormous thank you to Conor at Elcyclista. My pestering finally paid off. I had a true Jerk moment when I checked my favorite sites on Monday. I clicked on Elcyclista right after I check out cyclingnews.com, and low and behold, that's my t-shirt design! My first feeling was shock, then excitement, then disbelief, then fear. Fear, because I only had a few shirts printed because I wasn't sure what was going to happen with them. My next click was to my mailbox, holy cows, someone in Japan was interested in the tees, then Australia. Even as I sit here I'm amazed at how small our world has become. This never would of been possible without theinternet, God bless it.

Good Lunch

I had a good lunch today. It was a bagel. It had cheese on it. It had broccoli and tomatoes on it too. Then I ate a cookie. I had a good day.

Got some new t shirt designs and some new art work available too. Go to etsy.com and check out the freebird velo shop, tell em Jenny sent you and get a present with your purchase.

New Stuff

Poppy likes to try new hair styles

I Like to try new stuff. Sometimes. People who now me are going to laugh at that remark because it's what I like to think. I'm trying Rapha, that's new to me. So far so good, just got my leg warmers and t-shirt. I danced around my bedroom in my legwarmers to make sure they stayed in place. Yep, they got the thumbs up dance. The t-shirt felt stiff but after the first wash, very nice and sturdily constructed, it's tailored for a riding position. Damn Brits, they know how to design. Motorcycles, Aero mint chocolate bars, Mark Cavendish. Well Cavendish's cycling ability, take him off the bike or let him open his mouth and he goes to pot.

This morning I went for a ride after going to the gym. I downloaded some new music to my shuffle so I get a sort of extra boost from my new music selection. You want to see some of my new stuff? I thought you did.

-Jerry was a race car driver Primus

-My Adidas RUN DMC

-Lay all your love on me ABBA

-Gimme, gimme, Gimme ABBA

Wow! what a fine collection you must be saying. Yes I do have good taste, thank you. I listen to my shuffle religiously at the gym because their taste in music is just for poo. I was still on a kind of new music high so I decided to listen single ear'd while I went for a ride. You know what? it helped. Not that I need help getting inspired for a ride. Well kind of lately, I got the autumn dumps, it's dark out! Nothing is more exhilarating then flying around the Sunset loop listening to Swedish pop.

New Items also showed up in my Etsy Freebird Velo shop. Got some new t-shirts in their now and some new paintings are coming up soon.

It's Halloween and I'm a Heavy Breathing Fatty

I went for a ride this afternoon, which is weird because It's Sunday and I left at 1:30. That's pretty late for me, unless it's an evening ramble. I was either really hungry cause I hadn't eaten lunch or my binge the night before on my Wonka candy had finally caught up to me. No matter what excuses I write on this blog today I have to say one thing, damn I'm out of shape! But don't worry faithful reader I read my UK Cycling Health & Fitness magazine this morning after my healthy breakfast of a carrot walnut muffin and latte. While reading that fine publication I found a pull-out 8 week training guide to help me ride no handed and how to make u-turns. Is there something about the Brits we don't know about. I will admit they had some good nutrition info and Autumn riding tips. It also made me want a cup of tea and some of those chocolate covered biscuits. One thing that always annoys me about their cycling models is that their gear is so missy matchy. They're wearing Assos tops with Pearl Izumi shorts and Specialized knee warmers worn way too low for my taste. I thought the UK was the land of Rapha, classic, tailored, cycling gear that matches. That's enough of my rant and Rapha booty-kissing. I just know they're (Rapha not the Brits) going to find me on this damn blog and send me a jersey (club jersey, pk/white/grey in small) or even some of their soap made from the herbs and flowers from the slopes of Mt. Ventoux. Oh what a beautiful company.

Autumn Riding Tribulations

I'm ready for Autumn riding. I am ready for brisk mornings, numb ears, and sweatless upper lips. I just can't get motivated to go out at 7:30 AM and fight soccer moms taking their evil offspring to school (have them ride their bikes or walk 'em to school), hospital workers running late for their shifts, or high school girls driving, texting about how short their shorts are today. You see I am a morning person and this time of year sucks. I wake up at 5:30 AM and I feel like one those old toy cars you wind up, just raring to go and sprung way too tight. I'm ready to go but when I look outside it's Africa dark. That's good for some people but I am blind as a bat when the sun goes down. And I've tried lights too. Two things happen, I get distracted by the lights and it becomes a scene from Goonies. Sloth discovers how to use a flashlight and starts swatting at the beam laughing uncontrolably. Second problem are the little moths that congregate around my Knogs. They must be able to fly pretty fast or else I'm not as fast as I think I am. Again, I get distracted and start giggling like Sloth. That's fine until they come near my face and then I turn into a spazz, swatting and screaming. So no early morning rides for me. I go out at lunch but it feels like I'm playing hooky. I can feel guilty like a superhero, it's a gift.

Poppys Sloth Impression

My only choices are to get over the fact that I am a 140 pound vehicle (bike included, thank you) and I belong on the road just as much as the HMB soccer mom's in their XXL Ford Flex's. Or I can get over the fact that moth's like my headlights and I should embrace those stocky, fuzzy, wannabe butterflies and let them hitch a ride on my slipstream. All the while I hit every pothole my fine city has to offer because my lights only cover one foot in front of my wheel and I have a slow reaction time to things like that. I could also go out at lunch and just live with the guilt, maybe I should start a cyclist confession booth, I bet others feel like me. Probably not. I will figure it out though, it will probably be winter by the time I do, then I can complain about how it's too cold.

It's Candy Time!

It's that time of year again. It's candy time! It's when you can go into the market and be transported into Willy Wonka's factory, the 70's factory not the new freaky gay one. And while we're at it maybe Ghiradelli took over the factory the day you walk into it because have you tasted Wonka chocolate? belongs on a chalkboard. Stick to Nerd's Willy. I kind of got off there but I'm back. So yes, this is the season for candy lovers. It is also the season for belly aches and missed rides, and if you do make it out, half-assed rides. I myself am starting a sugar fast, cause I'm tired of feeling like a crack whore. Waking up feeling sick, dark circles under my eyes, regretting my last hit of Harvest Mix and Candy Corn. I'm just waiting for some sort of pimp to jump around the corner and start bitch slapping me cause he heard I wanted to quit. You see my pimp would look like Prince and sound like Lamar from Revenge of the Nerds.

So today I am a new woman, oops I had a pack of sugar in my coffee. Starting right now, no sugar until, Sunday? Yes Sunday when I can have a little nibble of something chocolatey. So no baked goods, ice cream, or anything with the white devil in it.

In addition to my sugar fast I am starting a new leg work out at the gym. You see, I have lost some the power in my legs since I started riding because gym workouts are forbidden, because you might morph into an 80's pro wrestler. My legs are unable to get huge and I'm going to start my yoga again. So I should be safe. I want to be able to ride a chainring bigger than something in the low 40's. Hopefully by February I will be a lean mean racing machine, and I will be able to beat my husband in sprints. I also want to make sure I can defend my title in the woman's 35+ public race at the Redland's Bike Classic. I just want to be able to hold up a two finger victory salute.

Whoops! not that kind of salute. But maybe if the race promoters can't get their act together and have the names and numbers of the women available for the race commentators. Just a warning guys.

Colorado Bike Country Without My Bike

ROCKIE MOUNTAIN WINDOW SEAT

I have been a traveling lady lately. I have traversed the Rockies unscathed and none the worse for wear, does that sound correct to you guys, writing ain't my strong suit. In case you didn't know I am petrified of flying so it's a big deal when I board one of those big metal birdies. I just know were going to go down in a ball of flames with babies falling and virgins screaming about how they're not ready to die. The reason for my trip was to visit my big brother and his brood. The guilt trip he has been given me for not visiting him for the past 5 years has been broken. Yippeee! I have regained the love and respect of the brother who would chase me with staple guns and fireplace pokers.

BOULDER AND THE FLATIRONS

I landed in Denver Friday and after he picked me up we headed to the mythical land of Boulder. That is were I discovered the friendliest Starbuck's on the planet. I had found my Mecca. Bikes galore, beautiful scenery, a Wahoo's, a Panera, and an REI all within a 2 block radius. They also had a ton of waxing shops for some reason, I thought it was all natural there. We went to the Celestial Seasonings factory which was bitchins. I felt like I was home but I'd have to go back in February to really test it, and of course take my hubby for his opinion cause that's kind of important. I'm no HMB.

THE SHINING HOTEL

PRETTY THINGS

After that we went up to Este's Park and Rocky Mountain National Park. Beautiful. I got to see the Shinning Hotel which gave me the creeps, I can never finish that movie. My brother lives in Laporte but his house is isolated up on a ridge, which looks out over the valley out into the beginning of the flatlands. If I was to move to Colorado I would want mountains, but to each his own. He can shoot from his patio, that was a selling point for him I guess. Driving from Wyoming to Laporte there were miles of rolling asphalt with hardly any traffic, I was drooling and jonesing for my bike. Thumbs up to Colorado, you have your choice of putting in the miles on the flats or head to the mountains for some altitude.

DIRTY JENNY AND HER 44

The next day we went out to Cheyenne. That's all I have to say about Cheyenne. When we got home I got to go shooting, yeaaa! Next day we drove around Fort Collins and visited bike shops. Best bike shop in Fort Collins was Lee's Cycles, the best one in Boulder was Vecchio's, lotsa Italian goodies. So that was my trip, I got to see my family, and lay eyes on the most cycling friendly town in America. Good weekend, but next time I'm taking the hubby and our bikes.

NO-MANS BICYCLE LAND

THE ELUSIVE TAIL-HEADED CAT

Little Bit of Something

This one's a shorty but a goody. Maybe not a goody but as I always say, "it's not just good, it's good enough." Sorry that doesn't really help build up my readership. I ran down to Panera this morning hipster style on my Bianchi. I won't take her again, she's a bit squirrley. Try riding her up a 5% grade one-handed and the other hand holding hot coffee. Next time it's a shot of esspresso at the shop and both hands on the bars of my Pipi Ole on the way back.

In restoration news this morning, I was able to get all the old 90's Kona purple paint off it's little cro-moly body. She is going to have an appointment with the powder coater soon. I have yet to come up with a name, so if someone besides my darling hubby reads this and comes up with a name for her send me a line. I was thinking Nubian Queen cause she is going to be shiny and strong and black. That's not racist it's admiration.

Is it me or is Meg Witman and Penelope from Little Darlings the same person?

World Premiere and a Bit of Mashy

This post is sort of a mishy mashy of all things going on this week that I couldn't remember to write about earlier. First things first, I finished my teaser for RIDE REDLANDS. Gay title I know, it'll change by the time the real movie comes out. By real movie I mean an extra 3 minutes, woo, hoo. It includes all the flora, asphalt, and fauna of my hometown, Redlands, California. Not just my home but also the home to The Redlands Bicycle Classic. So here it is the WORLD PREMIERE of RIDE REDLANDS the teaser(title pending) Watch out later this month for the really big premiere.

Now down to business, Thee official DOUCHE DE JOUR goes to Al Contador. He ate meaty taint I guess and then got asthma so he took some clenbuterol, is that it. I get confused. All I know is Andy was and is the winner of Le Tour. Suck it Cuntador.

Other noteworthy news this week, Freebird Velo has put out more t-shirts on etsy.com. The dogs seem to like 'em at least.

Last bit of news for the week. I have decided to challenge myself and go car-less for a little while. Now, I have my Bianchi which does not leave my sight for more than 20 seconds cause I looove her. I have an 80's Schwinn Collegiate that I could leave outside the 99cent store for a week and no one would touch her, cause she has a raging case of rusties, and you would need a Tetanus shot to ride her. Oh, I also have Pipi Ole but she's a single speed(not a fixie) so that wouldn't work for the distances and gradients I need to cover, plus there no braze-ons for racks. So, unless I want to suffer about looking like some sort of fancy hobo without the trash bags full of cans and paper bag covered Mickey's I won't be riding that. I could attach milk crates to my Bianchi and scuttle my way through the aisles at Albertson's so she wouldn't have to wait outside. Actually that one sounds fun, but alas, the only answer is:

Crap. I took my Kona Cindercone apart like a year ago. I wanted to paint it real flashy like. I even danced around the garage all grease-lightening style, pointing and all that. That lasted about 2 days. Now, I need it, so it's go time. This will become part of my upcoming posts, so keep an eye out for future progress reports. Unlike the progress reports in jr. high you won't have to race home before your parents to get them out of the mailbox. Enjoy the weekend

Non-interbike Vegas Adventures

One word, well two, The Pixies. Quite possibly the most un-douchey place in Vegas on a Saturday night. I was very comfortable in my surroundings, but I will admit we sat in the balcony. You see I am getting older and the crowds tend to get me unnerved, and I suffer from a wee bit of anger issues. Yes I am guilty of clocking a drunk hooch with my elbow at a Mason Jennings concert. Mason's Midwestern crooning sent me into a fit of rage I guess. So the Pixies were a very good night for me. Sorry to my hubby though, I owe him a Slipknot or Godsmack concert. Take two vicadin and a shot of Nyquil and throw me over your shoulder when it's over. Just kidding I would suffer just like he did, whoops, not suffer, enjoy him enjoying the show like he did me.

Oooh, the Hoochie Beacon

Throughout Vegas there is a breed of creature that roams in packs. You can find them up and down the strip and in most casinos. They are female but they are on average over 6 feet tall, due to their 8 inch heels they wobble about on. They have a similar odor that becomes stronger as the night wears on. It's a mix of Vodka and a pint of perfume. Toward the morning this smell turns into one of two. Vomit is one and, well, if it's not vomit that means she got lucky and that's a whole other story.

Like I said, I'm not the Vegas type, I wanted to run for the hills, literally. Look at this cake topper for instance, I guess this would be classy enough for the typical Vegas wedding cake since their Mamas and Pops couldn't get someone to cover for them at the Piggly Wiggly.

Thank God our hotel had a place where I could escape the hoochies and douchey frat boys. I tell myself every time I leave that I'm going to read my Poker for Idiots book so I'll have something worthwhile to do and invest my money more wisely. Instead of wasting it on slot machines, DAMN you Sex in the City machines! Let's just say I lost enough money to buy a Rapha jersey and a pair of bib shorts, and quite possibly a hat. But I have to say the time spent with family and my loved one was priceless.