Sunday, October 31, 2010

It's Halloween and I'm a Heavy Breathing Fatty

I went for a ride this afternoon, which is weird because It's Sunday and I left at 1:30. That's pretty late for me, unless it's an evening ramble. I was either really hungry cause I hadn't eaten lunch or my binge the night before on my Wonka candy had finally caught up to me. No matter what excuses I write on this blog today I have to say one thing, damn I'm out of shape! But don't worry faithful reader I read my UK Cycling Health & Fitness magazine this morning after my healthy breakfast of a carrot walnut muffin and latte. While reading that fine publication I found a pull-out 8 week training guide to help me ride no handed and how to make u-turns. Is there something about the Brits we don't know about. I will admit they had some good nutrition info and Autumn riding tips. It also made me want a cup of tea and some of those chocolate covered biscuits. One thing that always annoys me about their cycling models is that their gear is so missy matchy. They're wearing Assos tops with Pearl Izumi shorts and Specialized knee warmers worn way too low for my taste. I thought the UK was the land of Rapha, classic, tailored, cycling gear that matches. That's enough of my rant and Rapha booty-kissing. I just know they're (Rapha not the Brits) going to find me on this damn blog and send me a jersey (club jersey, pk/white/grey in small) or even some of their soap made from the herbs and flowers from the slopes of Mt. Ventoux. Oh what a beautiful company.

Wednesday, October 27, 2010

Autumn Riding Tribulations

I'm ready for Autumn riding. I am ready for brisk mornings, numb ears, and sweatless upper lips. I just can't get motivated to go out at 7:30 AM and fight soccer moms taking their evil offspring to school (have them ride their bikes or walk 'em to school), hospital workers running late for their shifts, or high school girls driving, texting about how short their shorts are today. You see I am a morning person and this time of year sucks. I wake up at 5:30 AM and I feel like one those old toy cars you wind up, just raring to go and sprung way too tight. I'm ready to go but when I look outside it's Africa dark. That's good for some people but I am blind as a bat when the sun goes down. And I've tried lights too. Two things happen, I get distracted by the lights and it becomes a scene from Goonies. Sloth discovers how to use a flashlight and starts swatting at the beam laughing uncontrolably. Second problem are the little moths that congregate around my Knogs. They must be able to fly pretty fast or else I'm not as fast as I think I am. Again, I get distracted and start giggling like Sloth. That's fine until they come near my face and then I turn into a spazz, swatting and screaming. So no early morning rides for me. I go out at lunch but it feels like I'm playing hooky. I can feel guilty like a superhero, it's a gift.
Poppys Sloth Impression
My only choices are to get over the fact that I am a 140 pound vehicle (bike included, thank you) and I belong on the road just as much as the HMB soccer mom's in their XXL Ford Flex's. Or I can get over the fact that moth's like my headlights and I should embrace those stocky, fuzzy, wannabe butterflies and let them hitch a ride on my slipstream. All the while I hit every pothole my fine city has to offer because my lights only cover one foot in front of my wheel and I have a slow reaction time to things like that. I could also go out at lunch and just live with the guilt, maybe I should start a cyclist confession booth, I bet others feel like me. Probably not. I will figure it out though, it will probably be winter by the time I do, then I can complain about how it's too cold.

Tuesday, October 26, 2010

It's Candy Time!

It's that time of year again. It's candy time! It's when you can go into the market and be transported into Willy Wonka's factory, the 70's factory not the new freaky gay one. And while we're at it maybe Ghiradelli took over the factory the day you walk into it because have you tasted Wonka chocolate? belongs on a chalkboard. Stick to Nerd's Willy. I kind of got off there but I'm back. So yes, this is the season for candy lovers. It is also the season for belly aches and missed rides, and if you do make it out, half-assed rides. I myself am starting a sugar fast, cause I'm tired of feeling like a crack whore. Waking up feeling sick, dark circles under my eyes, regretting my last hit of Harvest Mix and Candy Corn. I'm just waiting for some sort of pimp to jump around the corner and start bitch slapping me cause he heard I wanted to quit. You see my pimp would look like Prince and sound like Lamar from Revenge of the Nerds.
So today I am a new woman, oops I had a pack of sugar in my coffee. Starting right now, no sugar until, Sunday? Yes Sunday when I can have a little nibble of something chocolatey. So no baked goods, ice cream, or anything with the white devil in it.

In addition to my sugar fast I am starting a new leg work out at the gym. You see, I have lost some the power in my legs since I started riding because gym workouts are forbidden, because you might morph into an 80's pro wrestler. My legs are unable to get huge and I'm going to start my yoga again. So I should be safe. I want to be able to ride a chainring bigger than something in the low 40's. Hopefully by February I will be a lean mean racing machine, and I will be able to beat my husband in sprints. I also want to make sure I can defend my title in the woman's 35+ public race at the Redland's Bike Classic. I just want to be able to hold up a two finger victory salute.
Whoops! not that kind of salute. But maybe if the race promoters can't get their act together and have the names and numbers of the women available for the race commentators. Just a warning guys.

Wednesday, October 20, 2010

Colorado Bike Country Without My Bike

I have been a traveling lady lately. I have traversed the Rockies unscathed and none the worse for wear, does that sound correct to you guys, writing ain't my strong suit. In case you didn't know I am petrified of flying so it's a big deal when I board one of those big metal birdies. I just know were going to go down in a ball of flames with babies falling and virgins screaming about how they're not ready to die. The reason for my trip was to visit my big brother and his brood. The guilt trip he has been given me for not visiting him for the past 5 years has been broken. Yippeee! I have regained the love and respect of the brother who would chase me with staple guns and fireplace pokers.

I landed in Denver Friday and after he picked me up we headed to the mythical land of Boulder. That is were I discovered the friendliest Starbuck's on the planet. I had found my Mecca. Bikes galore, beautiful scenery, a Wahoo's, a Panera, and an REI all within a 2 block radius. They also had a ton of waxing shops for some reason, I thought it was all natural there. We went to the Celestial Seasonings factory which was bitchins. I felt like I was home but I'd have to go back in February to really test it, and of course take my hubby for his opinion cause that's kind of important. I'm no HMB.

After that we went up to Este's Park and Rocky Mountain National Park. Beautiful. I got to see the Shinning Hotel which gave me the creeps, I can never finish that movie. My brother lives in Laporte but his house is isolated up on a ridge, which looks out over the valley out into the beginning of the flatlands. If I was to move to Colorado I would want mountains, but to each his own. He can shoot from his patio, that was a selling point for him I guess. Driving from Wyoming to Laporte there were miles of rolling asphalt with hardly any traffic, I was drooling and jonesing for my bike. Thumbs up to Colorado, you have your choice of putting in the miles on the flats or head to the mountains for some altitude.

The next day we went out to Cheyenne. That's all I have to say about Cheyenne. When we got home I got to go shooting, yeaaa! Next day we drove around Fort Collins and visited bike shops. Best bike shop in Fort Collins was Lee's Cycles, the best one in Boulder was Vecchio's, lotsa Italian goodies. So that was my trip, I got to see my family, and lay eyes on the most cycling friendly town in America. Good weekend, but next time I'm taking the hubby and our bikes.


Thursday, October 7, 2010

Little Bit of Something

This one's a shorty but a goody. Maybe not a goody but as I always say, "it's not just good, it's good enough." Sorry that doesn't really help build up my readership. I ran down to Panera this morning hipster style on my Bianchi. I won't take her again, she's a bit squirrley. Try riding her up a 5% grade one-handed and the other hand holding hot coffee. Next time it's a shot of esspresso at the shop and both hands on the bars of my Pipi Ole on the way back.

In restoration news this morning, I was able to get all the old 90's Kona purple paint off it's little cro-moly body. She is going to have an appointment with the powder coater soon. I have yet to come up with a name, so if someone besides my darling hubby reads this and comes up with a name for her send me a line. I was thinking Nubian Queen cause she is going to be shiny and strong and black. That's not racist it's admiration.
Is it me or is Meg Witman and Penelope from Little Darlings the same person?

Friday, October 1, 2010

World Premiere and a Bit of Mashy

This post is sort of a mishy mashy of all things going on this week that I couldn't remember to write about earlier. First things first, I finished my teaser for RIDE REDLANDS. Gay title I know, it'll change by the time the real movie comes out. By real movie I mean an extra 3 minutes, woo, hoo. It includes all the flora, asphalt, and fauna of my hometown, Redlands, California. Not just my home but also the home to The Redlands Bicycle Classic. So here it is the WORLD PREMIERE of RIDE REDLANDS the teaser(title pending) Watch out later this month for the really big premiere.

Now down to business, Thee official DOUCHE DE JOUR goes to Al Contador. He ate meaty taint I guess and then got asthma so he took some clenbuterol, is that it. I get confused. All I know is Andy was and is the winner of Le Tour. Suck it Cuntador.

Other noteworthy news this week, Freebird Velo has put out more t-shirts on The dogs seem to like 'em at least.
Last bit of news for the week. I have decided to challenge myself and go car-less for a little while. Now, I have my Bianchi which does not leave my sight for more than 20 seconds cause I looove her. I have an 80's Schwinn Collegiate that I could leave outside the 99cent store for a week and no one would touch her, cause she has a raging case of rusties, and you would need a Tetanus shot to ride her. Oh, I also have Pipi Ole but she's a single speed(not a fixie) so that wouldn't work for the distances and gradients I need to cover, plus there no braze-ons for racks. So, unless I want to suffer about looking like some sort of fancy hobo without the trash bags full of cans and paper bag covered Mickey's I won't be riding that. I could attach milk crates to my Bianchi and scuttle my way through the aisles at Albertson's so she wouldn't have to wait outside. Actually that one sounds fun, but alas, the only answer is:
Crap. I took my Kona Cindercone apart like a year ago. I wanted to paint it real flashy like. I even danced around the garage all grease-lightening style, pointing and all that. That lasted about 2 days. Now, I need it, so it's go time. This will become part of my upcoming posts, so keep an eye out for future progress reports. Unlike the progress reports in jr. high you won't have to race home before your parents to get them out of the mailbox. Enjoy the weekend