Friday, September 13, 2013

Who's Passing Out the Kool-Aid? I Didn't Get Any.

What the Hell is this victory salute?
It's coming close to El Pistelero status.

DISCLAIMER: Some of you FreeBird Velo faithful may get angry at this post and I'm sorry, but opinions are like a-holes, everybody's got one and everybody thinks everyone elses stink. That being said don't forget the FreeBird Velo shop is serving up some new designs and a few marked down pieces too.

Don't get me wrong, I liked Chris H. at one point in time.
How could you hate a straight guy who would give a lift like this.
Ah, the Vuelta, I have no idea what's going on with it. My cable provider doesn't provide us with Universal Sports, and I have too short a temper to put up with watching a twitchy computer feed. Wait a second, let me rephrase something, I don't want to know what's going on with the Vuelta. As an avid watcher of cycling and a woman with a pretty cut and dried opinion of people I have an issue with a couple of riders lately. Since we're talking about the Vuelta let's start with Chris Horner. Now, unfortunately thanks to the LA years we can't believe a rider is 100% clean, there will always be a little glimmer of doubt in our eye, but everybody knows this so let me move on.
Nail in the coffin moment. Tommy D. leads Horner to victory
after not taking a single pull the entire climb.
This is the point where my pissyness towards Horner
 really bubbled over.
Pussy move Horner, pussy move.

I have a hard time listening to random social media folks kissing Chris Horner's ass just because he's old (almost 42) and finally doing well in a Grand Tour. People are simple creatures and tend to gravitate towards others with things in common, no matter what negativity those people have created in the past. It's the easier route to be blind. We all know Chris was riding during the drug years and we'd have to be complete morons to believe he's been clean his entire career. What I'm trying to say is I'm pissed because riders have been coming clean about their drug use, they're paying their dues, or they're getting out of the game because they're old farts anyway and they want to focus on their clothing company. It may be a few years since the last time they shot up with speedy juice but at least they're paying their dues. Chris is still riding like a clean man for some reason. I guess people don't believe he needs to be reprimanded because he's a media darling. I don't care if he does have an energetic personality in front of the camera, come clean and go work for NBC Sports, just get out of the peloton. I wonder how Levi, Zabriskie, Hincapie and Van De Velde think of riders who don't pay the consequences? How about Tom Danielson who led him to a stage win in the Tour of Utah? And yes I know it's not just Horner, there are other riders who need to come out, it's the only way to move on. If Horner wins the Vuelta this year it's a hollow victory. Like the hollow Easter bunny you get from your cheap aunt. You're excited at first but disappointed when you really find out the truth.

Enough of that, I believe the youngsters coming up are clean, Sagan has a tiny asterisk in my book but for the most part the future looks promising. As soon as the old guard gets the hell out of the peloton maybe we can watch a race and not have that negative pit in our bellies.

Next up on the chopping block, this guy. I won't go into a rant over this guy because I'm tired and this crap is just depressing, and basically I want to like Jens but it feels fake. His story is the same as Chris's. Everyone loves Jensie. He's a media darling. He's old and feisty and he likes to go out in breakaways. Side-note, I got uber-pissed when he publicly put down Tejay's breakaway tactics during a stage at this years TdF, but then goes on to do the same thing Tejay did a day or two later. I know its part of the game but I gotta say, A-Hole. Jens came up through cycling during the drug fueled years and it would be completely shocking if he didn't use during that time. Why is he immune too? Come clean, retire, play with your fishies and start a Von Trap style Eastern Bloc style cycling team. 

I'm going to regret this post in the morning, and I know I'm in the minority when it comes to these guys but that's the problem.

Saturday, August 24, 2013

Hup Hup BiTCHeS!

It's that time of year again! That time of year you start to day dream about crisp morning air, golden leaves and spectators teasing you unmercifully with a megaphone and crumpled dollar bill. 
It's CYCLO CROSS season! 
FreeBird Velo is proud to present to you the 
Hup Hup Bitches! long sleeve tee. Yes it's a long sleeve, because Fall can be chilly and if you ride a lot you probably have low body fat so you get chilly easily. 
Get yours now right here at the FreeBird Velo official website.
This tee was kind of inspired by Marianne Vos because:
 -she's Dutch
-she's a 6 time world CX champion
-Hup is Dutch for GO
-Orange is the official color of Dutchlandia

Also available at FreeBirdVelo are the only 3 Kapaletti tees left in existence.
In case you didn't know, Kapaletti was a cycling team from a long gone era, like really long gone. The tee is what the team would of worn while they weren't on their bikes. It was put out by Kapelmuur Independent and printed by yours truly. Get yours today and be part of history.


Thursday, July 4, 2013


The Crusty Little Curmudgeon doesn't usually make such a quick reappearance but what happened after the TdF team time trial deserves a bit of a bitch. Ted King, Cannondale rider, super domestique, and all around good guy had terrible luck this week. A quick recap: Ted got busted up on stage 1, still in pain for stage 4, couldn't ride a normal time trial bike due to separated shoulder, got dropped by his team and had to ride entire TTT on his own, enduring text book suffering, didn't make time cut, short by 7 seconds.
Tour de France Powers That Be
aka Yankee Haters
  Now, the TdF powers that be could've shown him some leniency, but unfortunately they decided the Yankee had to go home. I can not imagine this similar fate happening to a French or large profile rider. Look at those smug bastards up there. Shame on you! You soured my Tour this year. We wish Ted a speedy recovery and lots of maple syrup, hopefully he gets to ride Colorado in August. Make sure and visit Ted's homepage and then pick up a 'I am not Ted King' tee from Cutaway Clothing.

Ryder Hesjedal, keeping the peloton cool one shaka at a time
The CLC is not all about bitching, I like to point out the good things too. For instance, I couldn't pull these glasses off because I have a pin head but Ryder sure can. I can only imagine how great these glasses would be at keeping bees out of your eyes. Little buggers, got stung twice near my eyes within a span of 2 weeks, and I can't count the number of times they've snuck in my jersey and went to town, and not in the good way either.

6 Guns Full of Sexy
Could not help but notice the similarities between Cav's stage 5 win and Starsky's dance moves. 
1, 2, 3, 4 I declare disco war!

Saturday, June 29, 2013

Allez Bitches!

Its Tour time! 
First stage of the 2013 Tour de France has just finished up and it was textbook chaosity during the last 15 minutes. But before all the crashes, both human and RV, I had a few observations. Yes it's time for:

The Crusty Little Curmudgeon!
I like to complain, sometimes it's about important issues, but 98.06% of the time it's superficial crap.
 For example:

FDJ's new kit. Where is the classic, clean white kit. It was so French, so beautiful, so fun to watch when it rains. Now it seems like the entire peloton is some shade of blue or green. Garmin-Sharp is exempt from this claim because, well,  they're just the best and they have argyle on their kits. Fire your design team. Next!

Team Rabobank  Team Blanco
Team Belkin!
Nope, wrong color green, already have 2 green teams in the peloton and they are proper greens and at opposite sides of the green spectrum. Cannondale, Europcar congratulations you've escaped the wrath of the CLC. Team Belkin, just because you have black on half of your kit doesn't mean you're being original. Make it striped, use blocks of color, anything. Fire your design team. Next!

Mama Mia! Team Radio Shack/Trek. They've never been my favorite team* and this is just solidifying my hatred. Actually hate is a strong word, disgust is a better word. I would of loved to have been in the boardroom when they unveiled the new color of their 2013 TdF Mondane, Domane, whatever that bike's called it's bicycle plagiarism. It's a Bianchi! I don't care if it's a shade or two lighter, its celeste! When I see it on my TV/computer screen I see Bianchi. Fire your design team. Next!

Actually I can't be mad at this, I feel sorry for the Orica bus driver, it wasn't his fault. It was the organizers fault for not taking into consideration that most team buses are now megabuses and need at least 36 feet of clearance. It made for a nail biting finish but I believe it might of contributed to the final crash that took out Cav and Sagan. Too much confusion on the radio in the final km's leads to a lack of concentration. So there you have it, the CLC is tired from her first rant of the TdF. 
I need a glass of rosé.

I am happy to report that this photo happened. When I first saw these names on the back of Cannondales kits during I thought it was their nicknames, then the fog cleared from my brain and I realized it was Fizik's clever 'which animal are you?' saddle marketing scheme. Smart. I think they need a manatee because that's what I feel like most of the time. Just kind of plopped down there on my saddle. But good on ya Sagan, keep up the grab ass, mommy likey. That sounded really sick, sorry.

And now for the 
Official FreeBird Velo's pick O' le Tour:

Allez Andy!
Which means he's going to loose because I just jinxed him. Sorry.
Should of picked Froomey.

*I mentioned before I despise TRS, actually despise is a strong word, hate is a better one. But I like Andy and I like Fabian, I'm just not a fan of the team, or should I say, not a fan of it's previous DS and 
certain former members. 

I know you have many choices when choosing lame-ass blogs to read, but THANK YOU for reading this one. Make sure and visit the FreeBird Velo gift shop on your way out.

Sunday, May 12, 2013

Escondido is Spanish for Hot Box

The Tour of California is here again.
I feel for these guys, 100 degrees plus 11,000 or so feet of climbing 
does not make for a pleasant opening stage. 
I just hope they rehydrate well tonight because stage 2 is going
to be even nastier. Hot valley floors, more climbing, and then 
ending in Palm Springs where the temperature is expected to reach 108. 
Good Luck guys!
Here are some pics from this morning, enjoy:

Philippe Gilbert
showing why you wear white shorts
with WC stripes.


Marco Pinotti 
the (Italian) gentleman rider

The Vacansoliel stable

Andy had a little spark on todays stage, maybe I can finally
 wear my Luxembourg socks with pride again.

Not my roof rack,
wish it was.

Sylvain Chavanel
His tattoo is getting bigger. 

 Tyler Farrar the ginger warrior.

 Omega Pharma something or other,
or as Phil Ligget would say: Omeeeeega 

Vacansoliel, the team of the day.
Must of been the bikes. 


Friday, May 3, 2013

Bring on the Pink

Available at

I'm terrible at math so I won't try and count how many days since my last post. I am alive and I have absolutely no excuse for being gone so long. Wish I could say I've been riding too much to write but my Mama told me not to lie. So wish me luck and hopefully this will become more routine. 

On to more important issues. It's May and it's Giro time. Time for pink. Time for pasta. Time for wine. Time to ride. I believe this year's going to be pretty damn good. You got Wiggo, Gesink, Ryder, and Nibbles. Now, I want to go with Nibali but I'm afraid it's not going to be any of the ones I just mentioned. I just wrote all those names for nothing. Another reason I'm kind of excited this year is because the US now has Giro coverage thanks to beIn sports. (I was kind of worried there for while, no carrier was going to carry it in the US) I do enjoy watching Eurosport and Gazetta's coverage on the lil 'ol computer but it's nice to have it reordered and waiting for you when you come home to eat lunch.

I may be a little late to this party and I feel like an idiot but I didn't realize @cosmocatalano from Instagram was the brilliant man behind these awesome videos. Got to thank Bianchista for putting one of his videos on her blog. I now have some serious catching up to do, and I suggest you do the same too. 

Saturday, January 26, 2013

To do List

I'm a little late writing my New Year's blog, hope you all can for give me. I've vowed to myself not to set resolutions this year, but I do have a few goals. I don't know the difference between the two I just figured if  it had a different name I'd be more likely to get my ass going. In case you're curious here's a list of what I got on the burners this year.

I already got one goal accomplished.
Can be found in the shop.
1. More FreeBird Velo goodies e.g., new stickers, beer cozies, cards, and quite possibly a zine.

Not my poster, but I like it. 
2. Posters. I personally love posters, I have the equipment to make em so why not. Plus, I like the idea of having affordable art available for purchase. And, I have way too many ideas whirling around my head, I need to get them out on something.

3. Ride more. Actually, this one should be listed as improving time-management.

4. Get back my upper body via weights and yoga. I know cyclists are not supposed to utter these words but I am. I want to open a jar of Bonne Maman raspberry jam without looking like Mr. Furley.

5. Guerrilla Marketing. If I discussed it, it wouldn't be guerrilla marketing would it?

There's no reason for this picture.
Just reminds me of how good riding is.

So there it is. A little sampling of things to come this year. Beer cozies, posters, better looking arms while wearing a jersey, and quite possibly a copier based zine fresh out of the early 90's. Yeah, I think these goals sound pretty good.